All Washed Up...

[FallingDown]

Yea it's short, but I wasn't sure to post it.. but Crystal managed to twist my arm.. though it didn't take much . This chapter goes to Crys..

Thinking of her.

“Why is it everything's all loneliness with me? I guess sometimes I try too hard, and sometimes you cause it, but it always carries on and on. "What did you ever become?" you asked. I said, "I was told to be smiles and bright eyed happiness, but sometimes I can't find anything to laugh at."

The sky was falling into place, the stars came out, night was setting in and soon I was surrounded by a sea of stars, I got lost just staring up at them. Avril and the guys had gone out to a club, but I’d not cared to go along. Pretty soon they’d be coming back plastered, and Avril as usual would need someone to carry her petite self to bed. I stood out on the balcony, letting the cold air fall onto my face, the wind had died down and I felt warm, and free up there, just free to look down on everything below me.
I felt a tear find its way down my face, but not a tear of misery or pain but just a sweet tear, maybe it was the coldness of the night that made it fall, or just the fact that I’ve been missing Laura.
Avril helped pick up the pieces, even though it wasn’t her place to, Evan it’s not your fault, everything will be ok...she didn’t deserve you... But no matter how much Avril tried to help me, I always blamed myself for Laura cheating on me. I’d found her with Jesse in his hotel room, but it wasn’t Jesse’s fault, he never knew about Laura only Avril had... I’d wanted to keep quiet about it, it wasn’t everyone’s business that I was or wasn’t dating. I remember it like it was yesterday, I’d never know what a broken heart could really feel like but that night I did, it felt like someone cutting a knife into my heart, I’d gone to ask Jesse to come to a club, his door was half open and I saw them on the couch, the image won’t leave my head, just when I think I’m over it and that worse things could happen, it’s always there in the back of my head… eating away at me. I never gave Laura a chance to explain, we argued and I told her that I hated her that I couldn’t stand the sight of her... Well that was 3 weeks ago... She would call but I’d hang up. Sometimes I wondered if I should have given her another chance, maybe she was really sorry and that if our love was strong enough that we could overcome this... or maybe I knew already deep down that she didn’t ever love me, not like I loved her.
I remember when I met Laura; I met her at a hotel we were staying at... I never thought I’d get time to fall in love and when I did, it took me by surprise... It was something I wasn’t expecting to happen at all.

"And I just want to be like everyone else. Why can't I be everything to everyone else, or maybe just to you? Just once I would like to be something."

[ninny_23]

awww that was really sweet but bitter, i love your writing!

[FallingDown]

Thanks a lot ninny.... You love my writing.. man that's sweet.

[Artemis]

You, my friend, are the FIRST guy who has written any fanfics. Congrats on that! I love it...I also love your last story.

[Crystal]

You know I love it, Brandon! lol. I can't wait for more!

[FallingDown]

Lol thanks. I'm still writing the other story.. and I started this and then I showed Crystal and so I thought sure what the heck..

Thanks again and thanks Crys! thanks a lot :)

[StIcKy_nOtE15]

oooooooooooooooo i think i taste a sweet story

[FallingDown]

lol, thanks :P .....

[Dee]

I love it too. I hope you write a lot more. Can't wait for more.

Yeah, it is unusual that guys write fanfics and it is always great when someone does.

[FallingDown]

Thanks, Dee. I will write a lot more :)

[Artemis]

This is great that you're writing it from Evan's point of view. It'll make for an intersting story since it's always been from Avril's POV or just written in 3rd person.

[AvrilandEvan22]

I agree!! I also think it's great, and you are the first guy to write a fic. :bday: lol I love it, can't wait for more! :P

[FallingDown]

Thanks, Girls... I wrote some more.. so hear you go.. Enjoy :)

Silent Cries

“My brain hurts I'm suffering from a pure overload I need some time to get away Before my thoughts take over me I need some time to reminisce with a vacant mind, so tension free Help me find away to; Cure myself, I'm falling off the edge; Disarm myself, I'm falling off the edge; Shout out loud, I'm falling off the edge; Hold on tight, I'm falling off the edge”

Love always comes when you least expect it too though... doesn’t it? It pulls you one way and then the other; it pulls you in and spits you back out... Maybe all love wasn’t like that but that’s how it was for me. I remember that we were on tour and we’d just finished a concert and we were heading back to our hotel, that’s when I laid eyes on her. That’s when I laid eyes on the girl that was going to break my heart. Only I didn’t know that taking one look at her would leave my heart in a bottomless pit, feeling like it was being buried alive. I always thought love was the most amazing feeling and don’t get me wrong it was... but not everything’s perfect... Love doesn’t even near perfection at times. You can paint a picture, to how you want it to look, but sometimes you’re never satisfied with the end result.
Tears stung my face for so long, I got used to the way they tasted, sour and bitter.. There was no sweetness left inside any of them, and I wiped them away with the harsh brush of my hand, but they never gave up.. They fell and poured out of me until there was nothing left to take, I was empty, all washed up. If I had to count each tear, I’d be there forever. The tears spilled out, onto my face, the floor, the sidewalks.. They were becoming more like the rain leaving puddles beneath me. Every where I was they fell there.. Leaving my pain, but it always found its way back to me, as did the tears that stained my cheeks and eventually fading into my skin, falling away into somewhere deeper. It became a routine, I’d remember what she did and they’d now that was their cue to come trickling down my face. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t see Evan, Avril’s guitarist living a dream... I saw a fragile, broken guy... Something I never thought I’d see myself like.
Standing outside on the balcony, looking around me, getting lost in my thoughts.. just brought it all back, I wanted to stop picturing Laura and Jesse, but it wouldn’t leave, did someone hate me that much?? That I deserved to have this memory haunting me, following me around like a shadow.
I snapped out of my thoughts, when I felt a hand suddenly fall onto my back...
“Hey Ev”
I turned around, to find Avril standing behind me... She was still standing, so she wasn’t wasted as usual... I looked at my watch, was it that late already? But as I looked down it hadn’t even reached 9:00pm.
“Your back early”
”Yea, It wasn’t fun without you there and the guys are hideous dancers”
“Yea”
I drifted off and had stopped paying attention to Avril as she talked… and usually we’d talk, what seemed till the ends of forever, but tonight my mind was preoccupied. Eventually Avril noticed me paying little attention to her.
“Ev, your not even listening to me” she said, she sounded like such the drama queen... She put out her bottom lip, pouting away... I wasn’t in the mood for this... But I couldn’t take anything out on her, nothing was her fault.
“I’m sorry Av”
”Whatever” she gave me a stern look…
“Look, not everything’s gotta be about you, you know!” I snapped back and the moment the words left my tongue, I whished I could put them back in and wash them away…
“f*ck you, Ev... I came back early because I thought of you up here on your own.. but I guess I’m wasting my f*cking time”
”I’m sorry Av” I walked over to pull her in for a hug, but she pushed away
“Sorry doesn’t mean shit Ev, you of all people should know that”
“Look Av, I don’t mean to take it out on you, I just wanna be alone... It’s great that you came to see how I am, and that you though of me... But just go back to the club, I’m already sinking, I’m not pulling you in with me”
“If that’s what you want… then I’ll go back to the stupid club”
Before I could show her how sorry I was, she’d taken off... she wasn’t happy and it was my entire fault... why couldn’t I have forgotten about my problems and just taken the time to listen to her even if she wasn’t talking about much of anything.. After all she’d come up to my room just to see how I was holding up.
Knowing Avril was mad at me, just made me feel worse, I needed an escape... Something to get my mind off things, I was just running out of places to go. Finally I decided that my only escape was to go to the club and drink until, I forgot everything... Even though I knew it wasn’t going to do any good... I’d remember it again in the morning... but I had to do something, something to replace the emptiness that filled up inside... Anything was better than feeling like this, better than feeling like I wanted to scream, that if I had to feel like this for another second I’d explode... I was letting the memories of what she did tear me up again.. I felt like I was turning into a shipwreck all washed up onto the shore, broke and lifeless. Every piece of me still loved Laura, it wasn’t like everyone said it would be.. You’ll get over it and move on.. I tried so hard to believe in that, but hope was such a waste, and right now all I needed was to stare down into a bottle of something bitter and tasteless, hoping that, that somehow it would be a way out of this feeling.

“please no, this isn't the way I wanted it I can feel my veins pulsating in my head The walls are slowly caving in, dilapidated in a sense, slipping in and out of this state of disrepair The fix comes knocking at my door and I am not around Missed opportunity to cry Its like I have no mouth and I must scream in time to cure myself... I'm falling off the edge”

[Crystal]

Aw I'm crying. That was so good! I love it.

[Artemis]

Why are you crying? Nice chapter.

[FallingDown]

Don't cry Crys!.... thanks :)

[FollowMe]

I think that you did an awsome job with this story and that you're an incredible writer. can't wait for more :)

[FollowMe]

sorry for double posting

[Artemis]

No double posting please. In the right corner of your post you'll see an edit button. Click on that to add extra thoughts or correct something. Thanks!

[FallingDown]

Lol, thanks Followme :P

[AvrilandEvan22]

Great chapter! :( Sad though...can't wait to see what happens :)

[FallingDown]

Thanks... I'll post more shortly.

[ninny_23]

great story, its really sad, can't wait for more!

[sk8andRockoN]

This story is amazing Brandon! I think you've improved a lot from your last. ^_^

[FallingDown]

Thanks ninny & thanks Molly.. glad you like it..

[FallingDown]

I'm double posting.. whoops.

Ok, rip into it.

[FollowMe]

i forgot all about this story. Its been forever.

[FallingDown]

I know and I bumped it up onto the frontpage for different reasons.

[PaintedNails]

That was awesome! Your a great writer!

I just now noticed how old this story is lmfao. Nonetheless, it is amazing.

[mattylover]

i love love love loved so mcuh i can't wait ofr more ur really good write nd i love how it about Ev

[myhappyending]

that was beautiful.... :)