FallingDown
03-31-2004, 09:15 AM
I wanted to write something, so I started on this. So, whatever.
Chapter 1 - The story so far
The night is tired, with the moon faithfully falling into place. My eyes stare down at the watch on my wrist, lending me the time. Its twelve O’clock, midnight and my hand slips back into its original position. My hand folded neatly inside of Amy’s.
The sky is filled with darkness, and the shining of every little star, and I quietly name one after her. She doesn’t know it, that I’ve picked one out just for her. How do you ever know which one is the right star to pick out and name? And I’ll always wonder where that star will fall next time night falls, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to recognise it.
“I wonder if they ever get lonely” came Amy’s angel voice.
“If what get lonely?” I asked.
“The stars” she said softly, her eyes fixed upwards, her every breath taking in the air. Slowly her eyes make their way back down to earth, in line with mine, just the way I like it. I offer a gentle smile, not knowing the answer. Do stars ever get lonely? Are they just as lonely up there as we get down here? And if they ever get lonely, do they prefer it that way?
“I wonder” It wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but despite that she smiled and wrapped her arm through mine, moving herself in closer to me. I do the only thing I know best and I pull her in, and hold her close. I can smell her scent, one I won’t easily forget and I feel calm and comfortable and I hope that she feels safe and at home in my grasp.
“I think they do” she said whilst we continued to walk. I don’t need to answer her, because there’s nothing more to say, she has her answer. Whether it’s ever right or wrong, she believes that up there in the depths of the sky into the unknown, those shining stars get lonely. It’s all she has to say and my mind is clinging onto thoughts which I can’t get my head around. While we walk making our way to the club, I continue to wonder, questioning thing’s I’ll never know. I wonder if the stars feel pain, do they cry tears, silent tears? Can they feel the air? Do they have a way of looking down on us? Taking in everything that goes on below them, me, Amy, everything.
My eyes are burning, the coldness swoops down blowing inside my eyes, forcing me to hold onto my jacket. The gust of wind so sudden and unexpected, just when everything was so calm and perfect and even though I don’t know what perfect is or that if it can ever be defined, at least I have a sense of perfect, of what it means to me.
“Ev, it’s freezing” Amy tugs at me, and I’ve become so caught up in the change in the air and with her being so silent, I forget that she’s beside me feeling the cold too. The sharpness touching her face and if it had hand’s they’d be round our necks choking us, and somehow the wind doesn’t seem so unfriendly.
“Come here” I softly say. I start to take of my jacket, getting ready to wrap it around her.
“No, Ev then you’ll freeze, and I don’t want to be walking around with an icicle”.
“And, what’s so wrong with that?” we break into laughter, at the same time in tune with each other and were not hysterical but were happy, both happy to be here at this time and place.
I pull my jacket back on and again were side by side, seeming somewhat warmer. The sharpness of the air and the violence in the wind, wasn’t going to tear us from each other. If anything it made us hold on that much more.
We were walking to me, for what seemed forever but that didn’t bother me. I could have walked to the ends of the earth for all I cared, it’s dark, late but I’m not tired, not as tired as the night has become.
We start nearing the club and as we get inches closer I feel Amy start to fall behind, and my arms are empty. I turn to find her kneeling on the floor. I realise she’s tying up her laces. I stare at her, and watch her as she carefully loops them together, just like a helpless child learning how to do their laces for the first time. Only she’s not a kid anymore but I see the child inside her of what she used to be, and now the girl that she’s become.
I couldn’t tell you if I’ve fallen in love with her yet or if she was falling in love with me. I’ve only ever thought I was in love once and that wasn’t pretty. All I know is that love is a feeling that causes emotions, it can shatter and break but it can be that familiar scent that you love to wake up too. It can fill the emptiness inside of you, it can be incredible. It’s strange how love can make you feel all those amazing feelings for one person but then somewhere along the line that fades away and dies, like it never existed.
In some ways it can be just like a flower that dies, despite all your attempts to keep it alive, no matter how much you look after that flower treating it like your pride possession, caring for it, careful not to break a petal, it will break and eventually like love, like a relationship the petals that hold sunshine and happiness inside of everyone of them, slowly it takes all that away until there’s nothing left. Until it remains empty, no petal left to call its own.
Somehow the scent and the memory of that flower will always exist. Just like you’ll remember your first love always knowing that it won’t be your last, because as much as it hurts to get your heart broken, you need to get hurt. Sometimes you need to cry and need to know heartache to learn. It’s the way of life, it’s not all pleasant but it’s not all grey skies and crying eyes.
I know that with Amy, right now I don’t want to think about how we break up, because even though I seem negative about this, I know that she’s meant to be in my life. I also know that she may not be in it forever. She could be taken away from me in the blink of an eye. This could all fall from my hands and one day, maybe weeks, months down the line, I will lose what we have and as much as I don’t want that and hate that thought, it will and If it doesn’t then that’s some miracle.
“Is this the place, Ev?” Amy moaned. I could sense that she’d rather have stayed at the hotel but I promised Avril that we would come and join her and her new found boyfriend Ryan. Everyone has a fixed obsession that me and Avril are the perfect couple. Best friends means you have to fall in love at some point apparently. Well if that was anywhere near the truth, it hadn’t happened yet. I’m not sure if I ever want that, I know for now that’s the last thing I want with Avril.
I must admit that I’ve thought about the possibility of me and Avril thousands of times. Every now and again when I’m with her, when she falls asleep next to me. I do find myself looking at her in a different way. Admiring everything about her, looking deep into her, watching her as she sleeps, wondering how anyone could ever lay a finger on her or want to cause her pain and believe me she’s no stranger to heartache, just like I’m not. Everyone whoever they maybe are like an open book, their pages ready to be torn.
“Ev, let’s go inside before we catch our death out here” she pulled onto my arm, leading the way and I carefully follow her footsteps. It wasn’t like following footprints in the snow. It was just natural, like I could see a pattern in her footsteps a pattern that would be different from any one else’s, that only I’d now the outline of.
Chapter 1 - The story so far
The night is tired, with the moon faithfully falling into place. My eyes stare down at the watch on my wrist, lending me the time. Its twelve O’clock, midnight and my hand slips back into its original position. My hand folded neatly inside of Amy’s.
The sky is filled with darkness, and the shining of every little star, and I quietly name one after her. She doesn’t know it, that I’ve picked one out just for her. How do you ever know which one is the right star to pick out and name? And I’ll always wonder where that star will fall next time night falls, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to recognise it.
“I wonder if they ever get lonely” came Amy’s angel voice.
“If what get lonely?” I asked.
“The stars” she said softly, her eyes fixed upwards, her every breath taking in the air. Slowly her eyes make their way back down to earth, in line with mine, just the way I like it. I offer a gentle smile, not knowing the answer. Do stars ever get lonely? Are they just as lonely up there as we get down here? And if they ever get lonely, do they prefer it that way?
“I wonder” It wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but despite that she smiled and wrapped her arm through mine, moving herself in closer to me. I do the only thing I know best and I pull her in, and hold her close. I can smell her scent, one I won’t easily forget and I feel calm and comfortable and I hope that she feels safe and at home in my grasp.
“I think they do” she said whilst we continued to walk. I don’t need to answer her, because there’s nothing more to say, she has her answer. Whether it’s ever right or wrong, she believes that up there in the depths of the sky into the unknown, those shining stars get lonely. It’s all she has to say and my mind is clinging onto thoughts which I can’t get my head around. While we walk making our way to the club, I continue to wonder, questioning thing’s I’ll never know. I wonder if the stars feel pain, do they cry tears, silent tears? Can they feel the air? Do they have a way of looking down on us? Taking in everything that goes on below them, me, Amy, everything.
My eyes are burning, the coldness swoops down blowing inside my eyes, forcing me to hold onto my jacket. The gust of wind so sudden and unexpected, just when everything was so calm and perfect and even though I don’t know what perfect is or that if it can ever be defined, at least I have a sense of perfect, of what it means to me.
“Ev, it’s freezing” Amy tugs at me, and I’ve become so caught up in the change in the air and with her being so silent, I forget that she’s beside me feeling the cold too. The sharpness touching her face and if it had hand’s they’d be round our necks choking us, and somehow the wind doesn’t seem so unfriendly.
“Come here” I softly say. I start to take of my jacket, getting ready to wrap it around her.
“No, Ev then you’ll freeze, and I don’t want to be walking around with an icicle”.
“And, what’s so wrong with that?” we break into laughter, at the same time in tune with each other and were not hysterical but were happy, both happy to be here at this time and place.
I pull my jacket back on and again were side by side, seeming somewhat warmer. The sharpness of the air and the violence in the wind, wasn’t going to tear us from each other. If anything it made us hold on that much more.
We were walking to me, for what seemed forever but that didn’t bother me. I could have walked to the ends of the earth for all I cared, it’s dark, late but I’m not tired, not as tired as the night has become.
We start nearing the club and as we get inches closer I feel Amy start to fall behind, and my arms are empty. I turn to find her kneeling on the floor. I realise she’s tying up her laces. I stare at her, and watch her as she carefully loops them together, just like a helpless child learning how to do their laces for the first time. Only she’s not a kid anymore but I see the child inside her of what she used to be, and now the girl that she’s become.
I couldn’t tell you if I’ve fallen in love with her yet or if she was falling in love with me. I’ve only ever thought I was in love once and that wasn’t pretty. All I know is that love is a feeling that causes emotions, it can shatter and break but it can be that familiar scent that you love to wake up too. It can fill the emptiness inside of you, it can be incredible. It’s strange how love can make you feel all those amazing feelings for one person but then somewhere along the line that fades away and dies, like it never existed.
In some ways it can be just like a flower that dies, despite all your attempts to keep it alive, no matter how much you look after that flower treating it like your pride possession, caring for it, careful not to break a petal, it will break and eventually like love, like a relationship the petals that hold sunshine and happiness inside of everyone of them, slowly it takes all that away until there’s nothing left. Until it remains empty, no petal left to call its own.
Somehow the scent and the memory of that flower will always exist. Just like you’ll remember your first love always knowing that it won’t be your last, because as much as it hurts to get your heart broken, you need to get hurt. Sometimes you need to cry and need to know heartache to learn. It’s the way of life, it’s not all pleasant but it’s not all grey skies and crying eyes.
I know that with Amy, right now I don’t want to think about how we break up, because even though I seem negative about this, I know that she’s meant to be in my life. I also know that she may not be in it forever. She could be taken away from me in the blink of an eye. This could all fall from my hands and one day, maybe weeks, months down the line, I will lose what we have and as much as I don’t want that and hate that thought, it will and If it doesn’t then that’s some miracle.
“Is this the place, Ev?” Amy moaned. I could sense that she’d rather have stayed at the hotel but I promised Avril that we would come and join her and her new found boyfriend Ryan. Everyone has a fixed obsession that me and Avril are the perfect couple. Best friends means you have to fall in love at some point apparently. Well if that was anywhere near the truth, it hadn’t happened yet. I’m not sure if I ever want that, I know for now that’s the last thing I want with Avril.
I must admit that I’ve thought about the possibility of me and Avril thousands of times. Every now and again when I’m with her, when she falls asleep next to me. I do find myself looking at her in a different way. Admiring everything about her, looking deep into her, watching her as she sleeps, wondering how anyone could ever lay a finger on her or want to cause her pain and believe me she’s no stranger to heartache, just like I’m not. Everyone whoever they maybe are like an open book, their pages ready to be torn.
“Ev, let’s go inside before we catch our death out here” she pulled onto my arm, leading the way and I carefully follow her footsteps. It wasn’t like following footprints in the snow. It was just natural, like I could see a pattern in her footsteps a pattern that would be different from any one else’s, that only I’d now the outline of.