Tainted Hearts

[PunkyMalone]

First things first - this story is sort of dark. Avril's in an abusive relationship. It's also set to the lyrics of "Tainted Hearts" by Summer Hero. Hence the title. To hear the song, go to http://www.summerhero.com and click Enter Site. Then when the player loads, go to number 4. (Or listen to them all, cause they're awesome.)


Tainted Hearts

Avril Lavigne. My best friend and closest confidante for the last two years. I was just a backup musician in her solo career, but she felt almost like my sister. We nursed each others’ scraped knees and broken hearts. I watched her go through bad relationship after bad relationship, but none was worse than Terrence Salinger. Or Terry, as he insisted on being called. He liked nicknames. That’s why he so readily adopted Avie for Avril. That was what I called her. But once Terry was in the picture, he took over. And he forbid Avril from seeing me. He acted like he owned her. Like it was actually ethical to claim ownership of another human being.

"Save me,” that’s what she said, she’s crying
I know he hurts you so
Spend each night alone
In this bad life, weak bones, no will
He’s angry, he takes it out on you
Painting your face black and blue

The routine had become familiar to me. Av would pound on my door in the middle of the night. I’d open it. She wasn’t allowed to see me, but she still called whenever Terry left her alone. So I knew when to expect her visits. He’d go out drinking, and she’d call. He’d come home, beat her, and then leave with whatever girl he picked up at the bar that night. Mercy would come to me. I never understood what made Terry so angry. Maybe he knew I was still in the picture. Not like it was any of his business, Avril and I had been friends since way before he was around.

Tonight, it was pouring rain. I opened the door to find Avril on my doorstep looking like a drowned, broken rat. She kept her head down with her hair covering the fresh, swelling bruises and cuts on her lip. Without a word, I stepped back and let her into the house. She took a seat in the living room, as usual, as I went to the kitchen to get her some ice, as usual.

I’ll be your knight in shining armor
Where do we go from here?
I’ll save you from the troubled waters
When things aren’t crystal clear
Cause I’ll never tear you apart
I’m the blood flow to your heart
You gotta get out of this world

“Just say the word, Avie. Say the word and he’s dead,” I said as I handed her a towel with ice wrapped inside it.

“You know I can’t do that,” she replied, pressing the towel to her wounds. “He needs me. I just need to be better.”

“No, you don’t. You’re perfect. You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just a drunken assh*le,” I said, getting angry. I hated when she talked as if everything was her fault.

“No he isn’t. He just wants me to be better. He loves me, Evan,” she insisted.

“If he loved you, he wouldn’t do that to you,” I said, looking down. “I wouldn’t.”

Run back, that’s what you do and I hate it
Why won’t you come with me
To another place
Where I can treat you just like a princess
I’m falling in love with you
We’ll break the hold he’s got on you

She said nothing, and told me she was tired and wanted to sleep. She’d have to get up early, after all, to get home before Terry. I stood up to leave, but I knew that if I didn’t say everything I wanted to tonight, I’d lose my courage by morning and she’d never know.

“Avie,” I said, looking back over my shoulder. “If you ever want to get away from him, any time, just tell me. If you want to run, I’ll run with you. I’ll take you somewhere where he’ll never find us. Where you’ll be safe. We can be together the way I’ve wanted to since, well, forever. I love you, Avie.”

Before she could say anything, I walked out and went to my room. She didn’t follow me.

I’ll be your knight in shining armor
Where do we go from here?
I’ll save you from the troubled waters
When things aren’t crystal clear
Cause I’ll never tear you apart
I’m the blood flow to your heart
You gotta get out of this world

When I woke up the next morning, Avril was gone. She’d gone back home, back to him. I was so angry when I found her gone from the couch in my living room that I punched the wall. I never do that; I just thought this time, maybe, she’d want to leave. This time, she’d have had enough. I sat down on the couch with my head in my hands to think. I had to do something for her. I had to help her, some how. She’d never leave Terry. Eventually, I hoped, he’d leave her. It wasn’t likely though, as long as she was there to f*ck him on command when he couldn’t get any from some slut in a bar. I just wanted her to understand that she could have a better life without him. He didn’t care about her. Nobody cared about her as much as I did. I knew there was only one way I could prove that to her.

All the times you cry at night, you think that no one’s watching
Well I can see it in your eyes that inside you are dying
I miss the smile you used to wear
Your pain’s too much to bear
Cause I can make it better for you, I can make it better for you

She couldn’t remember what it was like before. It’s like Terry brainwashed her. She keeps saying he’s the only one who’s ever loved her, the only one who’s ever made her happy. I know those are just his words coming from her mouth. She doesn’t speak for herself anymore. She’s not herself anymore, and it kills me to watch him break her down like that. She used to be so spunky, she had an opinion about everything, and she liked to be just go out and break things. We’d always go out, every weekend, without plans. We’d leave my house at 10 and not come back until around 10 the next morning. Sometimes later, depending on where her spontaneous whims led her. After she met Terry, that stopped. She never went anywhere, and when she did, she had to be home before he was. I hated seeing what he was doing to her. I hated seeing the fear in her eyes when she talked about him. I wanted to set her free from that.

I wanna feel you by my side
I wanna rip his heart out and give you mine
We’ll leave him breathless on the floor
His thoughts of me will be forever more
When all I want is you

If I ever got the chance, if she ever asked me to, I’d be over there in a heart beat. I’d stab that f*cker in the chest. I’d rip his balls off. I’d blow his brains out if I had a gun. I would take Mercy and treat her so much better than he could ever conceive of. I would actually love her in ways he would never know how. Even if she didn’t want to be with me, I’d gladly kill him in the most painful way possible, just so she’d be free of him. Even if I spent the rest of my life in jail. I’d do it for her. I love her that much, and it’s breaking me to see her hurt. To see how he hurts her.

I’ll be your knight in shining armor
Where do we go from here
I’ll save you from the troubled waters
When things aren’t crystal clear
Cause I’ll never tear you apart
I’m the blood flow to your heart
You gotta get out of this world

She knows all she has to do is say the words. All she has to do is say ‘save me’ and I would. I wouldn’t think twice. But the ball’s in her court. I can’t help her if she doesn’t want help. She knows I’ll be there for her any time. For now, I’m here to nurse her cuts and bruises so generously given nightly by Terry. I feel helpless, but I know I can’t abandon her in case she does realize that she can, and has to, get away. So until then, I will just wait…

[Crystal]

Wow. I had no idea you were such a good writer! That was really amazing, and the song lyrics were incredible too.

[Open Your Eyes]

Holy shit. That was awesome, Punky! I never knew you could write something like this!

[Evanrocks]

i loved it. I loved that song beforehand but now I think I love it more too. It's a great story. I can't wait for more.

[myhappyending]

More, please? Awesome.

[Dee]

Yeah, that was really good.

[Bebe]

wow. that was incredible. i loved it. it's different. please say you're writing more and not ending it, just like that.

[Sheryl]

Uh, wow, that was incredible, please, write more.

[freak01]

I like that concept...good work. Write more, or we'll start begging.

[mattylover]

loves it omg that was so good i can't wait to read more

[PunkyMalone]

Hmmm... I was gonna leave it at that, but now I may write another part. To more Summer Hero lyrics. It'll help me pass the time while they're away from me on tour. Aww. heh.

Plus, you guys seem to want it so much. Just need to actually... write it.

[freak01]

You were going to leave us with just one part?
How cruel.

[PunkyMalone]

Haha yeah, I'm evil like that. B)

But hey, you'll be happy to know that now, there will be two more, possibly three, and MAYBE four. But don't count on the fourth. :D

But if I do that many, it won't have a happy ending. Well, maybe. I don't know yet.

[TelescopeEyes]

lmao, evil.

That was awesome.. hope you post more, punky.

[freak01]

Yeah, hope you post more.
*cough* you'd better *cough*

[candleboxrox]

that was really good. I like the lyrics.

[PunkyMalone]

Ok, here we go, part 2. This one's from Avril's point of view and is to "An Empty Seat" by Summer Hero. I'm gonna do all these to their lyrics, cause I can. Rock, rock on.


I think it’s out of control
I grip the seat and I check the window
An aisle over I see
A flowered dress and an empty seat

Terry is onto me. He knows I still go to see Evan. I thought I was going to get it so bad. But he just left. He said I was a whore and I was lucky he loved me, and he left. It was pouring rain outside, again. He’d be angry when he got home. Angry and drunk. I glanced over at the couch. We were supposed to go out. He was actually taking me somewhere. He’d even bought me clothes. That was his way of apologizing when he got out of control. I wish Evan saw that. He didn’t mean to hurt me. I just always made him angry. The dress he bought me lay on the couch, just where he’d left it before storming out.

I think it’s out of control
I grip the seat and I check the window
An aisle over I see
Imagination staring back at me
And I can’t sleep

I looked at the dress and smiled. It was a strapless black dress with a frilly skirt. I’d seen it in the store and fallen in love with it. I didn’t know Terry knew. It took me back to before, before everything started, when he was so sweet. He was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. Well, next to Evan. But Evan didn’t count, he was like a girlfriend to me. That’s just how we were. I met Terry right after my breakup with Jesse. The night of it, actually. I went for a walk because I was upset. I was crying, and then there was Terry. We ended up spending three days together after the night we met. It was this instant connection. He used to bring me flowers and buy me little trinkets. Usually it was just something from a dollar store, but it was always cute. Then he started to get controlling. He tried to keep me away from my family and friends. And especially my band. Then he started hitting me. But right around then, his gifts became more extravagant. I guess money was his way of saying sorry.

I couldn’t look at the dress anymore. It hurt too much; I wanted the old Terry back. The one who didn’t need a reason to buy me anything. Who didn’t need to say ‘I’m sorry’ with money, or at all. I walked up to my room and tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I lay there, looking at Terry’s side of the bed. Not that he ever slept here very often. Sure, I knew where he was. But I couldn’t stop him.

She knows it’s out of control
A little younger but smarter than full-grown
Somehow she knows how I feel
Unable to spill the words to her mother

I know Evan likes me as more than a friend. But he doesn’t understand that Terry needs me. If I could help him, he’d be okay. All I have to do is get him to let go of all his anger. Maybe if he takes it out on me long enough, it will go away. Nobody else sees that. It’s funny, my mother even said that I should date Evan because he’s such a ‘nice boy,’ as she puts it. She doesn’t like Terry. But she doesn’t know the truth either. If she did I’m pretty sure she’d have him killed. Because she doesn’t understand what we have either. She doesn’t understand that he needs me. I know in my heart I shouldn’t put up with it. There was a girl in my high school whose boyfriend used to beat her up. We always tried to get her to break up with him but she never would. Eventually he killed her. Hit her with a bat until she died. It was scary for all of us. But Terry wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t do that. I knew him better than that.

And I can’t show you how I feel, it’s real
And I can’t show you what is real

I do hate it, though. I get scared sometimes. I wish he wouldn’t. I wish I didn’t make him so mad all the time. I don’t know what I do. I’m so confused about it. I want to leave, but I can’t. Nobody understands that. I know Evan is there to help me, I know he’d help me get away. But I can’t just leave Terry.

So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep
So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep

I lay there, trying to sleep for hours. I was almost there when I heard the front door slam open, and Terry stumble noisily into the house. He started stomping up the stares, and soon I heard him right outside the bedroom. I cringed as I pulled the covers up over my head.

‘Please let him think I’m sleeping,’ I thought to myself. ‘Not tonight. Just not tonight.’

The door slowly opened, and I heard Terry walk over to the bed as quietly as he could – which wasn’t very, considering his drunken state. He pulled the covers back from me and started trying to undress me. He started kissing me, and I couldn’t pretend to be asleep anymore. I still didn’t move, though. It was always worse if he thought I was trying to struggle. He started touching me and caressing me in a way that would have been loving if he weren’t so drunk. Now it just repulsed me.

‘This is it,’ I thought. ‘He’s going to rape me again.’

I heard him unzip his fly, but then he seemed to get angry. He punched me as hard as he could in the stomach and walked out. I guess he was too drunk to get it up this time. I heard him slam the front door. He was gone again. I lay there, breathing heavily for a few minutes. When I was sure he wasn’t coming back for a while, I reached for the phone by the bed and called Evan.

It’s me, I’m out of control
Overwhelmed and a little unstable
An aisle over I see
Only exists inside my dreams

Evan’s phone rang and rang, but he didn’t pick up. Eventually it went to his voicemail. I figured he was asleep. Why wouldn’t he be? It was late.

“Evan, it’s Av,” I started into the message. “Listen… if you’re awake, and you can hear this… I really need you. I need to come over. Terry left again and I can’t take this anymore. I’m coming over. Bye.”

And I can’t show you how I feel, it’s real
And I can’t show you what is real

I got out of bed and got dressed. I pulled on a pair of jeans, a baggy t-shirt and a hoodie. I looked around the room and decided that tonight, tonight I was not going to come back here. I ran downstairs and grabbed a duffel bag. I went back to my room and started stuffing clothes into it. I didn’t take anything else. CDs and makeup didn’t matter. I didn’t need those things, I just needed to get out. I stuffed the bag as full as I could. Nothing was folded, I didn’t have time to be careful. Terry could be back at any moment.

So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep
So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep

As I was zipping the bag up, I heard a car drive past. I stopped dead and held my breath. If Terry were home, and if he caught me trying to leave him, I knew he would kill me. I carefully stepped over to the window and looked out. The street was empty. The car had turned. I let out my breath and finished packing. Tonight I was going to be safe. I had faith in Evan. I’d be able to sleep tonight without being afraid.

Wake up relations in my mind
Wide awake and nothing to confide
The only way I’ll sleep is when I die
So pull the plug and watch me say goodnight

I almost couldn’t fathom that. Of course there was a chance Terry would come after me. As soon as he discovered I was gone, he’d come looking for me. On second thought, I didn’t think there was any way I’d get some sleep tonight. On second thought, maybe running away wasn’t even a good idea. Terry would just keep looking for me. I didn’t want to have to be on the run for the rest of my life. And performing, well, forget that. A published tour schedule was just like calling him up and saying “Hey! Here I am! Come get me!” I sat down in the middle of the floor and hugged my knees to my chest. What was I thinking?

I think it’s out of control
I grip the seat and I check the window
An aisle over I see
A flowered dress and an empty seat

I could always call the police. Have him arrested. But if he didn’t go to jail, he’d just be even angrier. I looked over at my bag, then at the clock. It was almost last call at the bars. That meant Terry wouldn’t have much more than an hour left there; they’d all be closing, and he’d be home. It was now or never. I had to either get out, or unpack and go back to bed. I looked at the phone. Maybe I should call Evan back and tell him I wasn’t coming. No. I told myself I was getting out, and I knew that’s what I had to do. I grabbed the bag and ran down the stairs.

I think it’s out of control
I grip the seat and I check the window
An aisle over I see
Imagination staring back at me
And I can’t sleep tonight

I watched the reflections of the streetlights in the puddle as the cab drove me to Evan’s. He was trying to make small-talk, but I wasn’t having it.

“Where’s a pretty girl like you going with a bag like that on a night like this?” he asked. How was I supposed to answer that? “Oh, I’m running away from my abusive boyfriend?” Nope. Not gonna happen.

I practically jumped out of the cab when it stopped in front of Evan’s house, handed him $10 and told him to keep the change.

“Hey, thanks lady,” he called as he drove off.

“Yeah, no problem,” I said back, even though he didn’t hear me. I walked up to Evan’s door and knocked.

So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep
So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep
So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep
So I’ll close my eyes
Die in my dreams
And finally I’ll get some sleep

I couldn’t keep living the way I was. Finally, that night, I’d had enough. It was three in the morning but I didn’t care. Evan promised me any time I needed him, he’d be there. I just hoped he’d come through on that promise now…

[Evanrocks]

great great great great I loved it. It was great. I hope there will be more, and soon at that.

[Dee]

I really need more. This is a great story. Keep up with the great work.

[Sheryl]

Wow, again, need more.

[mattylover]

omg that was so good i can't wait for more

[TelescopeEyes]

Awesome Punky, do continue.

[MorningStar]

That's amazing, it reminds me of a book I just finished reading and the book was awesome. I can't wait to read the rest. Great job.

[Rejected Dreams]

Great story, continue please.

[Crystal]

Was that book Dreamland, Mel?

Great chapter! I like the way you write and the lyrics fit well.

[MorningStar]

Yeah, that was the book. But anyways like I said before very good chapter.

[formely_i_luv_avrils_ bois]

update really soon that chapter was awesome!

[freak01]

Give more, that was well written.

[ninny_23]

Awww, that's awesome writing. You're doing great with the story line.

[Dryve Thru Romance]

can't wait for more!! I really like this story!

[PunkyMalone]

Here's part three, finally. Been busy with work. Ew. Part 4 will follow.... soon.

Your shoulder never seemed so cold to me before
And now I’ve used the wool from over my eyes
Warmth’s got no feelings left inside
I hope today for you will be a lonely one
Now you’ve got your sight locked straight on my heart
Through the barrel of your gun

I pounded on the door, praying Evan was still awake, or would at least hear me. He had this way of sleeping through, well, everything. We used to tease him that he’d sleep through the apocalypse. He must have been awake, though, because it wasn’t long at all before he opened the door.

“Av… hey. I got your message,” he said. I just stood and looked at him without speaking.

“Come inside,” he urged, stepping back from the doorway to let me in. I walked inside and turned towards him.

“I need to get away,” I said.

“Of course. You can stay here as long as you have to,” Evan started.

“No. I mean I need to get away. He knows where you live. I have to go where he won’t find me. Please come with me,” I begged. I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice.

“Okay, okay, we’ll go,” Evan said. He looked past me out the open door. “But not tonight. Maybe tomorrow when the rain lets up a bit.”

I nodded and let him lead me into the house. I brought me upstairs to his room. I quickly changed into dry clothes in his bathroom, and then rejoined him in the bedroom.

“Here,” he said, motioning to his unmade bed. “You can sleep here… I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I was far too tired to protest, so I just nodded in agreement and curled up in the bed. Evan pulled the covers up over me and smoothed the hair back from my face. I felt like a little girl again, warm and safe. Exhaustion caught up with me then and I was asleep.

You can’t take my life from me
Because I made you happy
You pull the trigger now you cry
One shot at me is all you need
Missed it then you’re unlucky
I’m sorry but I will survive
Until the day that you die

I was awoken suddenly the next morning by shouting downstairs. I knew instantly that Terry had come. I sat upright in the bed, holding my breath as if Terry might be able to hear if I let one out. My heart was racing as I listened to the confrontation between my boyfriend and my best friend.

“Where is she?” Terry demanded.

“Calm down, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Evan replied.

“Bullshit! She’s here! I know she came here,” Terry screamed.

“How do you know? Maybe she just got fed up with all the shit you do and took off. I haven’t heard from her, I swear.”

I cringed. Evan was a terrible liar. Always had been. Terry would see right through that.

“Whoa, easy,” Evan said next. I hadn’t heard Terry speak, but imagined it was then that he pulled a gun on my best friend.

“Tell me where she is,” Terry said simply. I bit down on my lip, my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn’t just sit there and let Terry threaten Evan like that.

“I’m right here,” I said, marching into the living room with more confidence than I felt inside. Terry stared at me, then at Evan. He cocked the gun.



“Not here, eh?” he said. He was standing about a foot away from Evan. I quickly stepped between them.



“Av, get out of the way,” Evan said. He tried to push me but I resisted.

If you could kill with words your weapon would be a song
But I know for sure that you’re not that brilliant
It’s cause I have a fate impossible to see
You can bruise and scar me on the inside
You can never make me bleed

Terry stared at me. I could see in his eyes he was searching for something to say, but was coming up with nothing. I also knew there was no way he was going to pull the trigger with me there.

“Move,” he said at last.

“No,” I replied. Terry seemed confused. I’d never stood up to him before.

“Move!” he shouted.

“No!” I shouted back. “I’m done. I’m done being afraid of you. You used to be able to push me around, but not anymore. Do you know why? Because I know you will never pull that trigger.”

“Don’t provoke me, you b*tch,” Terry spat.

I looked back over my shoulder to see Evan’s look of horror as I stood my ground. “Go ahead,” I said. “Shoot.”

The gun wavered in his hand, but he didn’t fire.

You can’t take my life from me
Because I made you happy
You pull the trigger now you cry
One shot at me is all you need
Missed it then you’re unlucky
I’m sorry but I will survive
Until the day that you die

“Not as tough as you had me thinking you were, are you?” I asked.

Terry bit his lip, then raised his gun hand back and smacked me across the face with the butt of the pistol. I stumbled backwards and Evan caught me. By the time I recovered from the blow, Terry had run off. Evan held me for a few seconds.

“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded, clutching one hand over where he’d hit me. It stung, a lot.

“He didn’t shoot me. I told you he needed me,” I said. Evan nodded, held me close again and kissed my forehead.

“We’re out of here as soon as it’s light out,” he said.

[ninny_23]

How awful. The chapter was great, I can't wait until you get the next part posted.

[vixsk8ink]

wow kool keep on going dont stop!!!

[Dee]

That was really great. I so want to read more.

[mattylover]

two worlds KICK ASS man u rock at this i can't wait
i happy he didn't shoot him

[Dryve Thru Romance]

omg i want more!!!! :D so so good!!

[Evanrocks]

amazing .. it rocked majorly. I can not wait for more.

[Sheryl]

Wow, I've been waiting for this chapter, and it's been worth the wait, well done.

[freak01]

Amen to what Soap said. Can't wait for more.

[TelescopeEyes]

Can't wait for more!

[conversegirl]

awesome chapter! more please!

[Krazee]

unbelievable! more please!!

[Crystal]

This story is really well written. I can't wait for more!

[PunkyMalone]

Part four. There's one more part to come after this. Woohoo.

I studied things I thought that I’d never see
Like the heart of a good man as it starts to bleed
Eyes diluted, fingernails in palms
Results conclusive and the trust is gone

It had been three months since Avril decided to run with me. Terry had made no attempt to find us. I guess he gave up. Maybe he found comfort in one of his other f*ck buddies. Maybe he just really didn’t know how to find her. Maybe the extra security we hired on tour scared him off. Whatever the reason, he was gone and we were happy. Well, for a while.

I kissed her. That first night she ran, after Terry pulled the gun on me, I kissed her. After that it was Av & Ev against the world. I was there for her when she was scared, when she thought she saw Terry in a crowd. She told me she’d never felt so safe as she did with me. She was like a scared, abandoned puppy at first. I helped her heal, I helped her get her confidence back. I guess that’s all I ever was to her.

Let’s take this back to the beginning
This tasteless thrill is never ending

“Ev, can we talk?” she said one day. It was the last day of her latest tour. I guess she was saving this moment until now to spare us both awkward days of still having to see each other. How considerate.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” I said. The way she asked that told me it was something serious. I sat nervously down on the couch and waited her the ‘talk.’

“I owe you my life,” she started. “You saved me. Terry probably would have killed me eventually…”



“Uh huh,” I agreed quietly. Good start, but I was waiting for the bomb to drop.

“But I can’t just be your project,” she continued. Heads up, heavy bombing underway. “You… sometimes I feel you’re only with me now because I needed you. You like being needed. But I don’t anymore, Ev. I’m strong now. I’m okay.”



There it was. The big one. ‘I don’t need you, Evan who saved my f*cking life.’ Thanks.

Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The ringing in your ears won’t go away
Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The ringing in your ears, the ringing in your ears

She continued speaking after that, probably explaining her way out of the cold ‘I don’t need you’ part. I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen. She wasn’t taking it back, so her reasoning didn’t matter. Her voice slowly faded out to a dull ring. I looked at her, watching her lips move, hearing nothing but the ringing in my ears. Finally she stopped talking, hugged me, and walked away. Whatever.

The warmth she had inside’s now getting cold
New to you, to her it’s getting old
Bite your lip, seems like the thing to do
Nothing in this world is taking form in front of you

Unfortunately I was stuck on a plane with her the whole way back home. Six hours. I switched seats with Matt to get as far away from her as I could. We were supposed to sit beside each other. How awkward.

“What’s going on with you and Avril?” Craig asked me. I was beside him now, across the aisle from Avril and Matt.

“Don’t ask,” I said. I glared at her for a second, then turned back to the in-flight movie. It was a pretty crappy one. Or maybe I just couldn’t focus on it. No one thought I was funny when I suggested they play Alive. Or maybe Air Force One. It was like how nobody would let me put on Speed when we were on the bus. No sense of humor, any of them.

“Uh, alright,” Craig shrugged, turning back to his magazine.

“She thinks I was only with her because she was so needy before,” I said. Craig sighed, put down his magazine and looked at me.

“Was with her?” he asked.

“Yeah. She sort of dumped me this morning,” I confessed.

“Harsh.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Whatever man, there’s plenty of fish out there,” Craig said, patting me on the shoulder.

“You’re useless with advice, you know that?” I said, looking at him.

Let’s take this back to the beginning
This tasteless thrill is never ending

“Ev, can I talk to you alone for a minute?” I looked up to see Avril standing over us.

I shrugged. Craig looked from her to me, then stood up.

“I uh… gotta go to the bathroom,” he said lamely before walking away.

“I don’t want things to be awkward between us,” Avril said, taking Craig’s empty seat. “You’re a great guitar player and I still want you in the band. But we can’t do that if things are gonna be weird.”

“It’s been all of four hours since you dumped me,” I said. “You can’t expect me to just be fine right away.”

“Well, no, but I would like us to go back to being friends,” she said.

“Ok,” I nodded. “I might be able to do that.”

“Really?” she asked.

“No.” I picked up Craig’s magazine off the tray table and started reading it, ignoring Avril until she stood up and left.

Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The ringing in your ears won’t go away
Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The place you tried to leave was getting hard to breathe

We were home for two weeks, and I hadn’t slept for more than an hour a night since. Some nights, it was not at all. Matt, Charlie and Craig would come over now and then to check up on me. Make sure I was alright. But I wouldn’t go out with them. I didn’t leave the house once. They had to bring me food just so that I would eat. I hadn’t been grocery shopping since before the tour.

It got so bad that I had to sleep on the couch. I couldn’t stay in my room anymore. I’d just lay awake and look at the other side of the bed. Avril’s side. God, I was f*cking emo. So dependent, so needy, so desperate. So alone.

You search for solace with nothing but open arms
Shaking nerves, after two sips the drink is gone
This routine is taking control of you
You’re shaking

“Come on Evan, snap out of it,” Matt said one day. He was sitting on the edge of the couch where I had been laying all day, and most of the day before too.

“Come out with us tonight,” Charlie urged. He was standing in front of me. “We can introduce you to some new girls. Maybe get you some tail.”

“I don’t want tail, I want Avril,” I said sullenly. It was my common response. ‘I don’t want lunch, I want Avril. I don’t want to see a movie, I want Avril.’

“Just come,” Craig said. They were all there, teaming up on me. Craig grabbed my arm and pulled me off the couch. I fell to the floor with a thud.

“Ow! You jackass!” I yelled, standing up. He was taller than me, so I guess I wasn’t all that intimidating. He laughed.

“Got you up, didn’t it?” he smiled.

“I hate you.”

Ten minutes later I had pulled myself together enough to get dressed and go out with the guys. We went to a bar that was just up the street from my house. Convenient. Within an hour, I was pretty wasted. Within two hours, the bartender cut me off.

“I think this may not have been the best idea,” Matt commented to Craig as they carried me out of the bar.

“You’re telling me,” Craig agreed.

“Eh, shuddup,” I slurred.

“Easy buddy,” Charlie said from behind me.

“I’m not easy,” I shot back. Charlie laughed.

“You’re wasted,” he said.

“No you’re wasted!” I yelled. “I jus wann’ go home an’ die.”

“Easy, you’re not gonna die,” Matt said, patting me on the back.

“But this all sucks so much,” I started to sob. “I miss her man, this blows.”

“I know. But hey a few more nights like this and you’ll kill too many brain cells to remember,” Matt joked.

“That’s not funny,” Craig said. I turned my head and could barely make out a smile on his face before I threw up all over the side walk in front of us.

“Oh, that’s nice, thanks Evan,” Matt said, jumping back to avoid getting vomit on his shoes.

“An’ time,” I slurred, rolling my head back to look at him.

They carried me back to my place and sat me down on the couch in my living room.

“Am I ever gonna find someone else?” I asked as Matt gently wiped the vomit from my face with a wet cloth.

“Eventually, yes,” he replied. “There. All better. Now get some rest. You’ll, well, no you won’t feel better in the morning. You’ll feel like shit. But the morning after that, you’ll feel better.”

I flopped down on the couch and fell asleep.

I studied things I thought I’d never see
Like the heart of a good man as it starts to bleed
Eyes diluted, fingernails in palms
You should have known this all along

When I woke up the next morning, Matt was still there. I heard him in my kitchen making breakfast.

“Matt?” I called.

“Oh, you’re up,” he said, coming back into the living room. “Feel like some breakfast?”

“f*ck no,” I replied. “Maybe when the room stops spinning. And when my stomach doesn’t feel like it’s going to jump out of my body and crawl across the floor.”

Matt smiled. “You hit the bottle pretty hard last night.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, rubbing my aching head.

“So did you honestly not see it coming?” Matt said, sitting down next to me.

“See what coming?” I asked.

“Avril,” he said. “Remember when she was with Jesse? She jerked that kid around hardcore.”

“He was whipped,” I said.

“You’re whipped.”

“Liar.”

“You put your life on the line to save her from Terry,” Matt pointed out.

“How is that being whipped? She’s my best friend. Or was,” I said, looking down.

“That’s why I don’t date friends,” Matt said, standing up to go back to his burning eggs.

“You don’t even make any sense.”

Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The ringing in your ears won’t go away
Say hey, say something
Stutter translated
The ringing in your ears, the ringing in your ears

I flopped down on the couch again. My ears were still ringing. I thought back to when Avril delivered that bombshell that she was leaving. It was the same ring. The same, dull ache in my chest. I needed a drink.

[TelescopeEyes]

Great chapter! I also checked out the band who's lyrics you based these on.. pretty top notch.. lol. Can't wait for the last one!

[Evan Rocks]

punky, that was awesome!! omg. the chapter before this last one, i was afraid to scroll down to see what you wrote. great job!

[PunkyMalone]

Last part. *slightly* hurried, but you can't drag it out forever. I like the end. Yeah.

As the night gets cold another day is over
Talk to your friends but they’re just sitting in and they’re getting old
What do you do when you’re alone and it’s cold and there’s no place left to go?
And now you’re drinking your life away
Into the night again
My liver’s drowning in my shame

I paced back and forth waiting for Matt to pick up his phone.

“Hello?” he asked finally, after the fifth ring.

“Matt,” I said. “What’re you doing tonight?”

“Well, I was asleep,” he mumbled. I looked at my watch. It was 12:30AM.

“Oh, sorry, nevermind,” I said before hanging up. Well, that was everyone. Every one of my friends was either out, had a date over, or was already asleep. As usual. Nobody wanted to go out. This was the routine now. Another night by myself. Not like that wouldn’t stop me drinking myself stupid.

Alcohol became my liquid lifeline. I’d drink until I was numb. Then I could fool everyone else into thinking I was fine. But not myself, never myself. I still hadn’t seen Avril since the end of the tour. Since she dumped me. Trying to go back to work with her would probably be impossible. I wasn’t concerned with that now, I was just concerned with getting my next drink.

These are the times that I hold close to those
When your love won’t slowly fade away
What do you do when your luck won’t grow but you can’t sit back
And you can’t say no
And you try to be almost everything to anyone

Another bar, another nameless girl hanging off my arm. She was probably drunker than I was, which was saying a lot. She recognized me from television. Great, another groupie. This was also part of my routine. Hook up with a random girl, go back to her place, and be gone before she woke up the next morning. Sure, I felt a little guilty doing that to them. And I’m sure there were rumors spreading like wildfire about me on the Internet. But I didn’t care anymore. Just as long as I wasn’t spending another night alone.

Secretly, I was also looking to replace Avril. In the moment, I wanted more from these girls. I wanted what I had with Av. But by the next morning, I knew that was impossible and I was almost disgusted with myself for thinking that way. Yeah, I was a slut.

Another forty dollars is another forty gone
And now you’re holding the bottle tight
Close to your heart
You can’t put it down
What do you do when you’re alone and it’s cold and there’s no place left to go?
And now you’re drinking your life away
Into the night again
My liver’s drowning keeps me sane

I left Nameless Girl #93’s house the next morning and headed straight for the liquor store. Hair of the dog that bit you, best cure for a hangover, I say. Ten minutes later I left the store with a 40oz. of Jack Daniels. My weapon of choice in the battle against my liver. At first I couldn’t even choke the stuff down if I tried. One shot and I was gagging. Now, it slid down my throat like water.

I wandered around for a few more hours. It was only noon, far too early to start drinking. Even I wasn’t that pathetic. Well, almost.

By four-thirty that afternoon I was slumped against a building in an alleyway, angrily shaking the last drops of J.D. from the bottle. When none would come, I hurled it at the building across from me. Not hard enough, because it didn’t shatter like they always do on TV. I could smell the alcohol on me. I hadn’t showered in days – excluding that shower with that girl from three nights ago. But that doesn’t count. I was truly approaching rock bottom.

The first step, I knew, was to hit rock bottom out of public eyes. I pulled myself up, and, using buildings as a guide to lean on, managed to stumble back to my house. I fumbled with the keys for a few minutes before realizing I hadn’t even locked the door in the first place.

These are the times that I hold close to those
When your love won’t slowly fade away
What do you do when your luck won’t grow but you can’t sit back
And you can’t say no
And you try to be almost everything to anyone

I stumbled into the living room, fully prepared to pass out on the couch, when I noticed someone else was in my house. I looked at the couch. It was her.

“What’re you doin’ here?” I asked.

“You’re drunk,” she replied.

“No shit. But that’s not what I asked you,” I said. I leaned on the railing leading up the stairs for support.

“I came to see you,” she answered. “Matt called me. Told me you haven’t been doing so good. The door was open so I thought I’d just come in and wait for you.”



“Yeah, well, get out,” I said. I threw my arm towards the door to emphasize the statement, but the force of the gesture threw me off balance and I fell.

“Ev, let me help you,” she said. She walked over to me and helped me up, throwing one arm around her shoulder. She was small, but strong. She carefully helped me up the stairs to my room.

“Why’re you being so nice to me, Av?” I asked once she’d gotten me laying down on the bed. “I thought you hated me.”

Trust in all the times we had

“I never hated you,” she said, smiling down at me. She sat on the edge of the bed next to me. “I was just confused for a little while, that’s all. I thought you hated me.”

I shook my head emphatically. “I’m kinda broken, but I’m still in love with you.”

She leaned down and kissed me.

These are the times that I hold close to those
When your love won’t slowly fade away
What do you do when your luck won’t grow but you can’t sit back
And you can’t say no
And you try to be almost everything to anyone
Anyone

“I’m really sorry, Evan,” Avril said after the kiss. She lay down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have left you like that. I don’t want to just be friends.”

She took my hand in hers and laced her fingers through mine, then tilted her head up to look at me.

“I thought I was just dependent on you. Turns out, I don’t need you to save me anymore. But I still need you to love me.”

“And I will do that,” I replied.

“Promise?” she asked.

“Promise,” I smiled.

“You are so amazing. I don’t deserve a second chance from you,” she said, kissing me again.

“Sure you do. You’re worth this wait,” I smiled.

“Evan?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“You stink.”

[Sheryl]

Lmfao, nice ending.

“Evan?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“You stink.”

Nice last two chapter.

[TelescopeEyes]

lmfao, nice.

[freak01]

Aww, lmao, great ending. Whole thing was very well written, ha ha, it was great.

[conversegirl]

amazing story..loved the ending!

[Evan Rocks]

haha great ending. that was awesome. killer story punky!!

[Rejected Dreams]

Great story.

[ninny_23]

Cute story. The ending was D-liscous.

[Dee]

The last two chapters were very great. The thing about the movies and then when Av said you stink.

Great ending.

[mattylover]

kick ass i lovethe edn it rocked

[rock-chick]

very cute and good story