Can somebody help me?

[scarypuffringo]

Hello, this is going to be a quick post since I'm too numb to go on thinking. I don't come here very often; one: because I have no time. I don't even have time to run my own things. That's why I need some advice, advice from people who know nothing about me. What would you do? I always try to do everything right, please everyone, do what they want me to do but in the end I just end upsetting them and me too. There's something wrong with me, that's for sure. I can't seem to get a life of my own. I'm living through others and it's making me feel down, weak. I don't think I can go on anymore. Today, I've spent the most part of the afternoon sleeping, I don't do that, my mom confronted me and told me that I was depressed, that I was trying to escape from life and I have to admit that she was right but she was wrong regarding the reasons why I am feeling this way. I really don't know what to do. I have dreams but I don't persue them because I'm afraid to lose what I have and what I have is very little. I've come to a conclusion that I am really nothing. Even so prescious faith is weak. I can't believe I am depressed. What do I do that get out of it? What do I do to wake up? I don't know. I'm going insanse. Every time I stop to think of my own problems, I fight with myself remembering that there are children, people out there dying from starvation, AIDS, people being murdered and so many other things, more important things and I feel selfish, I feel terribly selfish and I wanna punish myself. God I hit myself because I couldn't look in the mirror. I need help, but I can't tell my family that I feel this way, they will do things that are going to make it worse than better. I need help. Because I can't stay like this anymore. I just wanna be normal. I don't be let aside, alone. I don't wanna be the kind of person who people call when they need something and then they just forget about me. I'm alone, Im sad and I'm coward, that's what I am a coward. :(

[Avril*wannabe]

Sweetheat, I don't know anything about despression and I don't pretend to know -- I just want to give you some advice on the way I see it and how I felt a couple of months ago when I felt the same way. I think that one of the main reasons of your depression has got to be something to do with the way you percieve yourself. You think you're nothing, think you're abnormal and that you're not worth anything. But, luckily you realise that you know something needs to be done and you know that the way you're being is the thing that's getting you down. Realising what's wrong and why is a huge step to getting better. If you know where you feel you're going, you know you can change it. And, I believe, that's what you have to do. You have to change it and change the way you feel and think about things because trying to ignore it or pretending it never happened or leaving it to go away won't help at all.
If you think that your friends are just using you, then make some new friends. It'll be hard and it'll be different, but they might give you a whole new outlook on life that your previous friends didn't have.
And you say that you think you're being selfish feeling this way -- I totally understand you. When i felt depressed, I would shout at myself because why should I feel down? Why should I feel upset? There are people out there who haven't got a house, haven't got a family, have a life-threatening disease and here's my with everything i could ever need feeling stupid and sorry for myself. But, you have to put your life and things in your life into perspective. If you have everything you need, you have a family, a house, clothes and food then it's ok to feel down about things that only concern yourself. If you kept thinking about others all the time, you would have no 'you' time and it sounds to me like you need some 'you' time.
Think about things in your life that make you happy and think about things that you could reaslistically do that would make you happy and go out and do it! Stop and think about yourself, be selfish for awhile and please yourself. Once you figure out who you are, you might realise this is just a silly phase and you know you're worth more than what you actually think.

Ok..well I think i'm just rabbiting on about stuff now and not making much sense anymore. But, if you need to talk just PM me or something and i will try to help the best I can :).
I know i'm not the best with advice and I know i probably made sense back there but I hope that you're ok and that you get through this because it's horrible, i know. It really really hurts inside and life feels pointless, i really do understand how you feel.

[scarypuffringo]

Hey, thanks for your words, they meant a lot to me. I really don't understand what is exactly going on with me, if I'm really depressed or just really upset about everything. All I know is that I can't go on like this anymore. And you were right about everything. I wish I could be a little bit selfish and do things my way, try to please myself, but I can't help to think of other people. It's like I need to make sure they're okay and somehow I end up forgetting about what really matters, me.

If you kept thinking about others all the time, you would have no 'you' time and it sounds to me like you need some 'you' time.

What you said above is the bigest truth in my life. I could use some 'me' time, you know... But how do I do that without creating a chaos? People who I'm in contact with, people at my church, people at home, they have this way of thinking that don't fit with what I think and I try to walk on their shoes to not make them argue with me all the time but it's wearing me down. I really wish I didn't have to try to hard, that good things would just happen to me, that I didn't always have to be the one who tries to make everything right and end up doing everything wrong.

All of your words have helped me in some way, thank you for your time and for your offer to talk if I need to. I don't much time but if I catch you online I will pm you, so maybe you could help me a little more. I really need help here. Again, thank you. :eutral:

[KiD]

Will, I know how you feel, and I'm pretty sure I've been in a similar postition before, and what I did was not good so I don't reccomend it. Amy is right, you sound like you need some you time to just relax and clear your head. Do something you like to do, and just get away from the world a little bit. You are so amazing and sweet, caring for all these people who have problems you know are worse, but you won't be able to help them if you havent had the time to remember who YOU are, and what you want. Don't be afraid to be different. As someone said, jelly and jelly is blah, as is peanut butter and peanut butter, but jelly and peanut butter makes one good sandwich. It's kinda cheesy but you get the point lol. It's OK to think differently than anyone else, that's what makes us human. You don't have to disagree with everything, or start a big debate but if you don't agree, don't be afraid to say so. People won't love you any less! That comes back into making some time for yourself. Then, you'll have time to re-inforce your opinions and be your own self.


Of course, if you think this is all really serious, yous hould go seek help, but maybe not from a family member. Someone you trust, maybe? Anyways, i'm sure you'll get better Will. You are an amazing and strong girl, and I'm sure everyone on AS has been touched by your writing and many of us, myself and Amy included, would be happy to help you get through this.

[Avril*wannabe]

Wow, Carly I think you have got it exactly right.

You are so amazing and sweet, caring for all these people who have problems you know are worse, but you won't be able to help them if you havent had the time to remember who YOU are, and what you want.

^^ That's so very true :).
I really don't know what else to say because Carly has basically said everything I meant to say but better!
Just know that we're here for you :)

[scarypuffringo]

Carly, thank you for your words... again and again, you too Amy. You both are right about everything. I know I have to stand up for myself and be true to me and to everybody else, just saying yes to everything and everybody just because I don't want to cause some kind of argue, maybe it's not the best way to keep on living my life. About seeking for help... Well, you guys, people all over the net I usually have some contact to are the only ones I'm confessing this phase I'm in and also my best friend, other than you, nobody knows. They can be pretty judgemental, they're really hard and to a person like me it's just tough to fight back. My dad died when I was ten and my mother abandoned me right after that, I was raise by my grandmother and my ant and uncle, they didn't have to do it but they did and knowing that my decisions i life will somehow disappoint them makes me reconsider everything I want and believe, so I try to compromize and always hope for the best, but unfortunately things are only getting worse. But don't really worry about me, I'll be fine, I always do. I just needed to get this pressure outof my chest or else I would go insane. It's hard to be living in this word, specially when you try to fufill everybody's expectations and letting to handle your own things after. Thanks again, your words on me and everything else just made my day a little brighter and there is no lie in that.

thanks once again. :eutral:

[Avril*wannabe]

Awww, I am so happy that I helped, even if only just a little!
Do you keep a diary or an online journal? Because, ever since I've been keeping my blog, i've felt better about some things. You can write whatever you want in there and you don't have to show anyone, but it helps get things off your chest. And sometimes that helps relieve the pain, writing things down is methodical and soothing and it like 'emptys' you almost and makes you feel lighter-- it's almost like telling someone your problems, but they'll never answer back so you don't have to fight it, you can just pour out everything you feel. Well, it helps for me anyway. It's just a thought :).

[KiD]

^^Thats really good advice Amy, I hadn't thought of that. My journal is pretty public...but sometimes it helps if someone wants to know how I'm feeling. But thats a great idea...and if you don't have much access to the internet, you can always get a good ol' book!

[mattylover]

i really don't know wat to say ia mdoing the same but iam liveing my life thorw music and it can help . i know wat iam doingo t wrong and its make my life suck more and more but puting my proble aside ot help other 1 and wat so my advis would b try not to think wat other sya or think if i didtha more iwould feel good i would feel really. it hard beacking old habits but this is comeing from a 14 yearold who know nothing aoubt life